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  • ruby crowhurst

why she disappeared (aka why i stopped writing about music)

Image of headphones, on top of two records, next to a small plant.

So, my last post on this account was in April 2022, meaning it’s been just over a year since I last sat down at my keyboard and wrote something about music.

Except it hasn’t; not really.

It was the last time I wrote on this blog, yes. But in the last year, I have been texting my friends ridiculous theories about Taylor Swift’s Midnights, I have been sharing images of my vinyl collection and adding in the captions my thoughts about the albums I post, I have been tweeting the lyrics to 'Not Strong Enough' by Boygenius, and I’ve been commenting on videos on TikTok of other people’s album rankings and sharing whether I think it’s ‘valid’ or not.

The reality is, it seems like I have been talking about music infinitely more since I stopped posting on this blog. And I think I’ve figured out why, but you’ll have to bare with me through this boring anecdote. It will all make sense in the end I promise.

At university, I studied Linguistics and English Literature. The literature side meant I was reading 10+ books per three-month long term, and having to critically analyse every single one both to make sure I got a good grade in future essays and also to make sure I didn’t look like an idiot in my seminars with other students.

And I did it! I pushed through, I read (most) of those books and I graduated with a decent grade.

However, from the day I completed my final exam, I didn’t pick up a single book for a year. I was someone who grew up reading constantly, and the reason I chose to study literature was because I loved reading so much. But suddenly my brain couldn’t read for fun. Every book I picked up I was critically analysing to death as if I was stressed about an upcoming essay or seminar. I could no longer just enjoy reading so I stopped.

The exact same thing happened with this blog and listening to music. Except this time I didn’t have a degree to get. I was doing something for fun, and suddenly it wasn’t fun anymore.

Music is meant to be embraced and enjoyed, and I just started feeling like I wasn’t enjoying music anymore. I didn’t listen to a lot of my favourite artists for a while, and for any new albums, I found I was constantly trying to think of what I would say in a review rather than actually whether I was embracing the experience of listening to the album.

Much like with my degree, I had gone too far into critical analysis, and as someone with anxiety whose brain is already constantly working overtime, it all just became a bit overwhelming. I am aware this is hilarious. I’m not a significant writer at all, there was literally no pressure from anyone to do this, and yet I was still so focused on writing a decent review that I would dread every upcoming ‘New Music Friday’. So I had to ask myself: Why the hell am I putting myself through this stress for no real reason?

But, it’s a year later, and I’m back. I no longer overthink every time I listen to an album, I no longer half-listen to songs because I’m too busy thinking about my true opinion of it. I just think to myself ‘this is pretty sick’, like it on Spotify, and move on.

But I do love sharing opinions on music and pop culture, and I want to continue doing so, just in a different way.

I’ve decided I won’t be doing full-on album reviews for every album that comes out anymore. Instead, I want to really focus on more conceptual posts about music and the industry as a whole, because I have a lot of thoughts about the music industry and the artists within it. I listen to several podcasts about it and I’m constantly scrolling on the internet to find more deep dives on various pieces of music history and thought-provoking industry content.

Basically, I’m going to be writing about what I find genuinely interesting. And if that interests you too, then please come along for the ride!

Also, shout out to the people that do full album reviews constantly; you are far stronger soldiers than I am. I really want to be able to get back into it again, and maybe I will, but for right now I think this long-form content is what I want to be doing.

Thank you to everyone who didn’t unfollow me while this blog went dormant for a year. I’m excited to start writing again.

I’ve also decided to set up a mailing list! If you fancy having my new blog posts sent right to your inbox, then sign up here. No pressure though. You’ll be able to find them on the website or find out when I post on Instagram.


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